My Top 5!

The #5.  The number of Super Bowl Championships that my Dallas Cowboys have.  Gary Chapman talks about and has written extensively about the 5 Love Languages.  The number 5 is mentioned 318 times in Scripture.  Who knows - I may have just helped you out in your next game of Trivia Crack!

I recently reread a blog by Carey Nieuwhof called "Why Your Kids Need Five Other Adults in Your Lives."  In this blog, Carey says . . .

"When your kids, need to talk, who do they talk to?  I mean beyond their friends and beyond you as a parent?  Friends are limited help; sometimes the last thing a 6-year-old needs is advice from another 16-year old.  And sometimes the last erson they want to talk to is a parent.  I'm sure there are parents who say, "my kid will talk to me." But let me ask you something, did you tell your parents everything?"

You can read the entire blog at http://theparentcue.org/why-your-kids-need-five-other-adults-in-their-lives.

I don't know about you but there are sometimes when my kids just seem to be tired of my voice.  I'm thankful that there are some adults in my kid's life that have similar values that I have.  Adults that I feel comfortable with my kids going to to discuss difficult questions with.

How can you help to develop these relationships?  I would suggest the following ideas to get you started.

1. Help them to connect in Small Group environments at church.  Does your church offer Small Group opportunities for your students?  If so, wow!  What a great opportunity.  Get them involved.
2. Cultivate the relationship with your Children's or Youth Pastor.  Sometimes this happens naturally but at other times you may need to actively develop this.  Invite your Children's or Youth Pastor over for lunch or invite them to one of your student's sports games.
3. Make your extended family a priority.  Does your student have an aunt, uncle, or grandparent who serves the Lord who also has a great relationship with your student.  Cultivate that relationship,

You also will want to involve your child in this process.  Your top 5 may not be their top 5.  Open up the lines of communication and talk about the top 5.

Who is your Top 5?

Disconnect to Reconnect

I really do love the technology age we live in.  It wasn't too long ago that I had to wait for the afternoon newspaper to be delivered so I could check the Major league Baseball box scores.  I remember when CNN news first became available and they had sports updates every 30 minutes. It was amazing.

We've come a long way, haven't we? Today's information is just a click away.

But sometimes we can be so connected to our smart phone and to social media that we neglect to connect to the people around us.

From time to time my family has a no media night. I am making a fresh commitment to do this every week.  What does this look like?  It's an evening without smart phones, without computers, without TV.  It's an evening to enjoy dinner together as a family, to play an old board game, to take a family walk and most importantly to disconnect to reconnect.  It ends up being like a 3 hour time slot.

Maybe a whole evening seems impossible for you.  You can always start with just an hour of family time, or making dinner time a no media zone.

Crag Jutila, who is a great author, blogger, and leader in family ministry suggests the following digital guidelines to protect your children online:

1. Keep computers, tablets and game consoles in an open space.
2. Set appropriate limits for daily screen time.
3. Children must not sign up for anything unless they get permission.
4. Charge mobile devices in an open location overnight.
5. When family time is on, all media is off.
6. Randomly check your child's texts.

Here are two great books that address some of the digital media challenges that we face.

• Craig Juitla, "Faith and the Modern Family"
• Brian Housman, "Tech Savvy Parenting"

A Little White Lie

As a child I struggled with being honest with my parents.  I would do something that I wasn't proud of and then to cover up I would lie about it.  I can't imagine ever lying about something I was proud of.  It's always about covering something up.

You may have heard this saying, "The cover up is worse than the lie."

In the 5th chapter of Acts there is a great story about honesty in the book of Acts.  You may be familiar with the actions of Annanias and Saphira.  In verse 3 Peter says, " . . . you have lied to the Holy Spirit . . ."  Both Annanias and Saphira fell down and died.

God probably won't swallow me up or you up if you are dishonest.  Well hopefully not.  But he does want us to be truthful in whatever we say or do.

Why is being honest important?  How does it benefit me?  What about a little white lie?

Well, first of all, God is honest.  Since the beginning, God has been in the business of making and keeping promises.  If honesty is important to God, it should be important to us.

Second, honesty builds trust in relationships.  If you want a healthy relationship with your spouse, co-worker, friend, or child . . . be honest.  If you are dishonest even in those little white lies then you will more likely have unhealthy relationships.

Third, you are an example to your kids.  If it's okay for you to tell a little white lie, then you are telling your kids that's its okay for them to do the same.

Often it is easier and tempting to just tell that little white lie to cover up a mistake you have made or to cover up that decision that you are not proud of.  But in the long run that little white lie can do a lot of damage to those relationships that you most treasure.

Let's keep Psalm 119:29 in mind - "Keep me from cheating and telling lies.  Be kind and teach me your law."

Parenting Beyond Your Capacity

Being a good parent is hard, and in the short term there is not a whole lot of glory attached to it.  You can't coast through it.  It is intentional.  Anybody can have a child; being a good parent takes work and prayer.  It's may be hardest job you will ever have and it's certainly the most important job you ever will have.

You may be having a hard time with a strong willed child or a teenager who seems to not be respecting.  Or maybe your life is just busy with baseball practice, guitar lessons, and birthday parties.  Maybe you're kids are doing great but you are just struggling as a parent.  Your busy schedule and stress may just be affecting your patience and your ability to connect with your kids.

Our role as parents is not just to raise our kids physically and emotionally but to raise them spiritually.  This truth is evident all the way back in the book of Deuteronomy.  Deuteronomy 6:49 says, "Here O Israel:  The Lord our God, the Lord is one.  Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates."

No one has more potential to influence your child than you.

That statement can be overwhelming, can't it.  It's a big responsibility.  it doesn't say , "No one has more potential to influence your child than your Children's Pastor or Youth Pastor or your Baseball Coach."  The good news is you aren't alone in this endeavor.

You are not the only influence your children need.

As parents work in tandem with the faith community to raise their children and teenagers, they increase their parenting exponentially.  Most of us have so many demands that they can't be the kind of parent they desire to be.  We all need to know the Orange Factor:  Two combined influences make a greater impact than just two influences.

Maybe you feel overwhelmed as a parent or feel like you are parenting in isolation.  The book, "Parenting Beyond Your Capacity" by Reggie Joiner can bring encouragement to your life.

Looking for more parenting resources?  Check out the link below.

http://www.icskagitvalley.org/teaching-library/modern-family.html

Peeps, peace, and Easter!

Easter is the perfect time to talk about peace. In Colossians 1:20 and 3:15, we find out that us that peace originated with God's love for us and Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.  Since we can receive such peace from God, we can live peacefully with other people

Maybe when you hear the word, peace, you cringe a little bit.  Your life resembles nothing but peace. A better family portrait might be described as chaos.  Let's be honest.  Life is hard sometimes. Our kids fight.  We fight with our spouse.  Our boss is driving us crazy.  You are driving your boss crazy!  The "to do list" keeps getting bigger.  Our schedule is crazy with work, youth sports, Easter Egg Hunts. Instead of experiencing peace, your life is full of stress.  You may even perceive Easter as a reminder of what you haven;t achieved in life.

No matter where you are at -  Keep this verse in mind this Easter: “So let us do all we can to live in peace. And let us work hard to build each other up.” Romans 14:19, NIrV.  May this Easter be a time where you are encouraged.  We serve a conquering God.  He has already conquered death.  The Lord can certainly conquer the things in your life that you are struggling with.

Be sure to also take some time this weekend to slow down, to spend some time with your family, and to celebrate Resurrection Sunday.

I Don't Want to Grow!

      Growing up in Kalispell, Montana my family had a beautiful garden that we had to cultivate or develop.  It took a lot of work.  It needed to be weeded, watered.  Early in the spring my dad would get his roller tiller so that it would ready for seeds to be planted.  It took a lot of time but it was worth it.  Nothing like fresh vegetables and fruit from the garden.

Growth is a process.  It takes hard work. At times it's painful and uncomfortable.  Recently I read a book called, "Emotional Intelligence 2.0."  Not my favorite book of all time but it was helpful to me in regards to growth.  

In "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" Daniel Goleman offers new insight into the rational and emotional and how they together shape our destiny.  Goleman delineates the five crucial skills of emotional intelligence, and shows how they determine our success in relationships, work, and even our physical well-being.

Weather you want to grow as a pastor, as a parent, as a spouse, or as a co-worker . . . Emotional Intelligence 2.0 offers some good insight.  For me, I learned that the greatest need for improvement is self awareness. It was my lowest score.  Sometimes when I don’t recognize my emotions it can cause me to make a poor decision or treat someone unfairly.  I am going to keep a journal about my emotions.  It will help me to record what events triggered an emotional response.  

I'm not really looking forward to journaling about my emotions, but it will be worth it.  Growth isn't easy and at times it's not fun either.  But growth is vital if we want to become a better spouse, a better parent, a better co-worker . . and a more committed follower of Jesus.

What are you doing to grow right now?  What areas do you need to work on?

I Want It Now!

Patience can be defined as "the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry."

Yikes!  "Without getting angry.'" That's the tough part, isn't it?

One of my favorite books of the Bible is Job.  In high school I was in a play that was roughly based on the story of Job.  I was not the leading actor but was so vital that they needed me to play 3 different parts.  Clearly, Hollywood was not quite ready for my acting skills!

One of my roles was to play the part of one of the kids that died.  Only had one scene as the kid.  We were all sitting at a table eating dinner and I knocked the turkey off the table.  That was not in the script.  Epic fail!

Job is a different book of the Bible than the other poetry books(Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs) and at times not the most encouraging; however there are many life lessons.  In essence, its the story of the justice of God in light of human suffering.  Job showed patience with his suffering, with his advisers(friends), and with God.

Haven't read the book of Job.  Take some time to read it this month and notice the patience that Job displayed.

There are opportunities every day to display patience.  We have been painting our Inspire Kids area.  I hate painting.  It's not something you can rush.  You have to be patient.  If you try to rush painting, it becomes a huge disaster.

For God, it seems as though patience is all about relationships with people. Even after we sinned, He still pursued us. He sent Jesus, His own Son to make a way for us to be with Him. He waited time after time for people to repent and make things right—something He still does today.

When we show patience, we are less likely to hurt our relationships with others. We are more likely to trust that God has something better for us in the future. And when we trust God with our future, even when we’re in-between on life’s journey and asking Him, “Are we there yet?” we can have patience knowing that His plan and His timing are always better than our own.

This month as we partner with you in teaching your kids about patience, consider starting the discussion in your home with these questions.

Ask a kid:  What are some things that you have to wait for?
Ask a parent: Why is patience important for us?